It's a EASTERical holiday!

It's 'Holy Week'! In a few days Easter comes around. It's one of the biggest holidays of the Christian world–a holiday named after the pagan goddess Ëostre (or Ostara), germanic goddess of spring and fertility.

Speaking of fertility, the most recognized symbols for this holiday are bunnies and eggs. Both represent fertility in pagan traditions. Where do you think the phrase 'fuck like rabbits' came from? It's ironic that the mascot for this important Christian holiday, is a symbol for one of the things Jesus didn't do (allegedly). And what's with all the chocolate? I guess it's because it's an aphrodisiac, so it stands to reason that a chocolate bunny will make you want to screw even more.

That doesn't sound very christian. After all, Christianity teaches us, since childhood, that sex is one of the dirtiest, nastiest, filthiest things that humanity can partake in... and it should only be reserved for the person you love the most. I guess God was joking when he ordered Adam to procreate and become many. The reason for the chocolates, I think, is simple... it looks a lot like bullshit.

It is widely known that Christianity has hijacked many pagan holidays and traditions. This was done to ease the conversion of 'heathens' into the new religious paradigm. Kinda like saying: "Hey, keep celebrating your shit, but now do it for Jesus." To me, it seems like serving a meal on a dirty plate.

The exact date in which Easter is celebrated has been a much debated, and very controversial point. The date is currently determined as to be on the first Sunday after the full moon, following the northern hemisphere's Vernal equinox. This, again, harks back to pagan traditions. More dirty plates. Also, there is no evidence that Easter was celebrated annually by early Christians.

Of course, I have been writing under the assumption that the events surrounding this christian holiday, actually happened. Those being the last supper, the crucifixion, and resurrection of Christ. There are several reasons why the Gospels sound more like cruci-fiction than anything else. Here are a few:

• Nobody knows who wrote the Gospels, they were all anonymous
• They were attributed to supposed eyewitnesses, but most scholars agree that the many inconsistencies between the accounts belie that supposition
• The earliest gospel written-attributed to Mark-was written around 70 a.d.–almost 40 years after the fact
• Marks has never been considered an eyewitness to the events he wrote about
  
• The other gospels were written much later and, again, there's no certainty as who wrote them
  
• The Gospels, as we know them today, were carefully 'crafted', edited and molded by the Catholic church, over a period of more than 200 years

Have you ever played 'telephone'? You know, that game were you get a bunch of people in a room and you whisper something to the first person and whatever you said gets passed from person to person? It's always interesting to hear, after what you whispered goes around the room, how the meaning of your words have changed completely. Now imagine a game of telephone, played by thousands of people, played over decades or, perhaps, a couple of hundreds of years. That's exactly what the Gospels are. A big game of telephone.

Another thing that puzzles me is this: why call the day Christ died 'Good Friday'? I know, I know, it was the day when Jesus died for your sins, and that's 'good'. Still, it was an execution, which, for an innocent man, means murder. So why call 'good,' something as vile as the murder of your savior? I'm sure there are better suited names for that day.

So maybe a radical, rebel and philosopher named Yĕhōšuă‘ (Jesus) really existed. Maybe he existed, and was executed for speaking out against the religious tyranny of the time, and against their Roman masters. And maybe, just maybe, over time he became a symbol of hope for a people starving for deliverance, like Robin Hood and King Arthur, the legend became bigger than the man. That sounds a lot more plausible than the results of the 'Biggest Game of Telephone Ever Played'.

So whatever you choose to celebrate this upcoming weekend–be it sex, chocolate bunnies, or the death and resurrection of a cruci-fictional character– just remember this: If Jesus died for your sins, and you choose not to sin... then Jesus died for nothing.

Happy 'whatever', everyone!